Murderers or martyrs?
- varunkrshnn
- Jan 10, 2022
- 8 min read
Updated: Feb 14, 2022
TRIGGER WARNING - This is not for the faint of heart or if you are not in the right mental state. If so, please step back now. Come back once you're in a better headspace.
A noose, an open spilled bottle of sleeping pills, the sound of a distant but sickening thud, a knife, a note in a room, a syringe by the bed; on their own these things all sound fairly unrelated. But they all share one very grim similarity and I think everybody here knows what I'm talking about. Said items are some of the common items found in the aftermath of a crime scene, a life lost, more specifically speaking, a scene of suicide. An act recognised as a crime by atleast 20 countries [1]; and if not by law definitely by society globally. Suicide is defined very simply as "the act of taking one's own life while in full conscious volition.". Where it differs from other crimes is that no one actually cares about the cause of the crime.
For murder, there's avarice, lust, redemption, etc cited as plausible causes. For robbery, it's very similar. But for suicide, the equally heinous act of a life being snatched away from their loved ones, there's not a peep about the cause. It's the easiest case file to dismiss, as there is no murderer. But how true is that? Society by and large takes the role of judge and jury, citing lack of willpower and courage as causes of said execution. But how true is that? Was it that simple for somebody to decide "fuck it, I dont want to live anymore" when biological nature shows the very opposite: "we will do anything for self-preservation"? [2] What drove that human being into defying their own intrinsic nature? Are they just simple murderers who robbed a life, or are they something more? Are they telling us something from the beyond, that they stand for something more? Are those dead souls' representation of an idea, an archaic mindset, of stubbornness and of callousness? Are they martyrs of their own pain, sacrificed by an unbending and deaf world? Are these suicide victims' murderers or martyrs?
Often you shall hear people pass judgement on that life lost without letting the dead or the family of the dead rest in peace. "Oh my, he did not think about his family now", "what a selfish guy, seriously. Just went and did something stupid" or there's my personal favourite "What has this generation of youngsters come to, at the first sign of trouble just taking their own lives" are some of the lines often used. There's a lot more of these extremely shallow, disdainful, heartless and emotionless takes of what is a rather pained culmination of a soul that wanted to scream at the top of their lungs for help, wanted to rip their skin off due to the pain in their hearts, who would rather inflict physical pain to dull the undying hurt inside? Maybe they did try to approach you, a friend, teacher, parent, sibling, or a partner for help. Maybe they did try to bring it up but were silenced under the overpowering fear of your judgement, of your mockery, of society's cacking. That very judgement drove them so far. Drove them to take a step over the edge into freedom, into the promise of bliss and release from this pain. So, you people, you self-proclaimed samaritans of society actually did everything other than actually killing that person. You basically put a loaded gun in the hands of this "murderer" and pointed it to their heads and just to seal the deal coerced them into pulling the trigger.
Let me put forth some numbers to better present my case of how society has devolved and further pushed people over the edge. Suicide rates over the years has only increased. Not just increased but bubbled up incredibly rapidly.
Suicide has gone on to become the 10th leading cause of death in the US, claiming over 47000 lives in 2019 which were the result of a total of 1.38 million attempts. [3]
The above fact also translates to a rather cruel one death every 11 minutes. [4]
It also leads this shining light in my home country of India, where we lead the pack in the entirety of South-East Asia, as per WHO [5]. Let's have some visuals of these stats:
Suicide affects people across every spectrum and is age, gender, race agnostic. Some are more affected, yes. But this is something that affects everybody. These are some of the facts as per the CDC of the US.
One of the leading sectors of suicide is the student sector. I was a student as most of you once were or still are, so this might hit home closer. India has a growing epidemic of student suicide. Students, who've barely started living their lives. Students, who are in their tender teens have decided to take such a big step from which there is no going back. The major cause of this is pressure. Relentless and unforgiving in nature, this pressure comes from society, from family, from school and from every corner of their lives. "You need to get 95%, else you will fail in life", "If you don't get into IIT, your life will be over", "You need to keep the family honour intact, everybody in this house was in IIT", coupled along with healthy serves of judgement from your neighbours, expectations from your teachers and friends, is not easy to deal with. It's overwhelming, to the point where if you fail, in everybody's mind your worth has gone to a nadir from where there is nowhere to go.
“Live a little every day, ek hi zindagi mili hai (You have got but one life)” were the last words on an eight-page suicide note written by a postgrad student at IIT Hyderabad [6].
I've been there. Part of the IIT circle, studying for that one exam which is supposed to decide the fate of the rest of our lives as per people in the academia field. I graduated from 10th as a really good student, so much so people had placed expectations for me to go places. Into the IIT ring of fire I enter and soon I discover, I'm already too late. People have been doing this since their 8th grade. Never mind, I thought, let's take this challenge. It did not take me more than a month to realise how insurmountable this task was. But that's not the problem. We all face tasks that are insurmountable in life and it's fine, we move on. The problem is the blowback to this decision. Once teachers noted I could not "live up" to the cause, statements such as "I don't know what will happen of him ma'am", "He's not good enough, he's very below average", "apply to some small college ma'am he might get admission" started being conveyed to my mother. What broke me was seeing disappointment in her eyes. I tried, I really tried so hard. I did ungodly hours, I studied everything, I memorised, practised, did extra worksheets but I just could not do this anymore. Constantly seeing my rank published on the notice board amongst the bottom 10% percent, seeing my mother fear my future and hearing my teachers constantly write off me and others of similar ilk turned something in my head. My mind started wandering places it had never been to. I started checking the roads for arriving buses, started walking along the edges of my apartment's terrace, and started thinking about a life without pain. The musings of a wandering mind could lead one down an incredibly dark path. I was amongst the fortunate who had a supportive mother, to whom I accidentally confessed my thoughts, from whom I got unshattered and immovable support. That got me through everything. That kind of support was what a 16-year-old needed, that little bit of faith. You'd think that would be easy to find.
Another leading cause of suicide is societal taboo towards feelings. In general, any display of feelings is a sign of weakness. This is perhaps one of the few sectors where men were disproportionately affected. Cause of this: toxic masculinity. You need to be a "true man". You should not be weeping like a weakling, like a woman. To such men, there's nothing more dishonourable, nothing more emasculating than comparing them to women. Talking about "feelings", ugh how disgusting. Just be a man, take it like a man. Fuck it. Guess what guys, these guys did say "fuck it", am I right? This is barely scratching the surface as there's also the unrecognised problem of suicide attempts amongst trans teenagers because of the taboo they face for a myriad of reasons.
More than half of transgender male teens who participated in the survey reported attempting suicide in their lifetime, while 29.9 percent of transgender female teens said they attempted suicide. Among non-binary youth, 41.8 percent of respondents stated that they had attempted suicide at some point in their lives.
There needs to be an educational reform and societal level reform that needs to happen to inform people about how to handle their feelings in a healthy fashion. There's nothing wrong with crying, there's nothing wrong with feeling pain. Nobody, no human being regardless of their gender identity, race, religion, or anything should be judged for any of their feelings. Your feelings are yours and yours solely. They are valid, you should not have to seek validation.
This is where feminism enters that argument, which is also unsurprisingly where these toxic men take issue. Feminism has been misconstrued as women trying to overpower men. Wow, how small are you? To me, this goes to show how truly small these men are. They fear losing their dominance. Besides the point, but maybe not. Feminism is part of the solution, where not only does it want equal footing for people across the gender spectrum, but it also seeks to kill any gender stereotypes. That in turn will help people feel more comfortable in what and who they are.
It's only with the newer generation have these question started being, it's only now that to some level there is awareness about suicide prevention and mental health. There is some level of recognition in some parts of society and there are some laws in certain countries that help people. It's nowhere near complete, but it's a start. There is a very long road to walk, a lot to be learnt and a lot to be unlearned. Mental health awareness is crucial as your mental health is as if not even more important than your physical health. If any of you have any forebodings, have any dark thoughts, please I beseech of you, approach somebody. There is absolutely no shame in getting help, if anything it is courageous. It takes guts to accept that you need help, and it takes guts to actually get that help. Take that step forward and if there is nobody to talk to, I'm here. I might be your friend, a colleague or a total stranger. I know what just companionship can do and if there's anything I can do, I will. Call your local suicide hotline number, it might help.
International Suicide & Emergency Hotlines (opencounseling.com) --> This is the link for the suicide hotline number for many countries.
Just because you are not a murdered, please don't become a martyr to a society that's far too selfish to understand you. Every life counts and every life is precious.
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